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3 Steps On How To Stop Letting Your Weight Define You

So if you’re reading this, there’s a chance that you have or have had an unhealthy relationship with your body image. I’m here to tell you, GIRL ME TOO.

It’s so easy for us to get caught up in how the world views us. For a lot of us, it has gotten to the point where we define who we are based on our physical appearance.

We think “I need to lose weight to find a husband”, “I can’t wear that crop top until I lose 5 more pounds”, “I’m not sexy because I don’t have curves”. We stop doing things we would naturally want to do based on what other people’s opinion of us might be. Let me tell you something. WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. You are not fat. You have fat. And guess what? We all need fat to exist.

This time of the year is generally my least favorite in terms of social media marketing for the “drop 15lbs in just 3 weeks!” schemes. While these programs may provide some instant gratification, it’s not actually fixing anything. In fact, these companies are profiting off of your insecurities.

If any of you know my story, I used to be underweight. I had a BMI of 17. I ate only 800 calories a day, I ran 3 miles daily and went to karate classes 4 days a week. I got to the point where there was genuine concern for my health. I got so jaundiced that people regularly commented on the pigment of my skin. One day, I tried to get out of bed and I genuinely couldn’t do it because I almost fainted from the exhaustion. I cared so much of what people thought of me, that I let it seriously affect my health.

It’s not that extreme for everyone. For some it is more extreme, but waking up that day made me realize that significant changes needed to be made and they needed to be made immediately. I started eating meat again, I stopped counting my calories, and I stopped running. This was 10 years ago. I’ve learned a lot since then and I want to share with you a few things that have changed my life.

I’ve said it before, I will say it always. You are not your body. Your body is a vessel given to you by God to carry out your purpose here on earth. Remind yourself of this daily. Whether you believe in God or not doesn’t matter. You need to understand that you’re purpose goes beyond what you look like.

Okay so now that you understand that. Here are the 3 main steps that helped me overcome the thought that my weight defined who I was.

Step 1: Throw away your scale. This is the most important step. To realize that you are more than your weight, you need to stop the habit of constantly weighing yourself. I don’t care what you weigh or what your goals are, get rid of your scale. There are other ways to know if you’re hitting your goals or not.

Step 2: Workout. Wait. Is that contradictory to my entire post? NO. Part of the reason you have become obsessed with your weight (losing or gaining) is because you are insecure (Captain Obvious here). This insecurity comes from not being able to battle the negative self talk with facts. When you workout 3 times a week for 30mins each day, you have actuals facts to back up how well you’re doing and that you are actively working on whatever your goal is. Oh yeah, and let’s also take a break to discuss your goals really quick. Your goals should not be based on other people and they should not be to fit into what is considered socially acceptable for a bikini. Screw that. Your goals should be to be healthy. That is it.

Step 3: Have an eating plan that includes plenty of healthy foods….but also some junk food. When you find yourself constantly riding the rollercoaster of weight loss versus weight gain, it’s because you’re restricting yourself too much. This restriction causes the never ending cycle that is restricting then binging. Restriction is not sustainable! If you can honestly look me in the eye without blinking and tell me that you will never buy a snickers bar or a bag of Lays chips again, then…..well…YOU’RE LYING TO MY FACE. You’re eating plan should consist of 80% healthy, unprocessed foods and 20% of whatever the hell you want. If you eat 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, that’s 21 meals. That means 17 meals need to be healthy and include plenty of macro and micro nutrients, and 4 of them can be literally anything. My favorite go to? Nachos and/or chicken tenders. I stand by choosing chicken tenders. Yes, I am 27 years old.

I understand these are broad, but I’m willing to go more into detail based on your specific needs. If you want to know what is best to eat and what workouts you should do based on your goals, I can help with that too. Send me a DM on my Instagram, fit.asamother and I’d more than love to answer your questions.

self love, self worth, Uncategorized

How I Stopped Feeling Shame Against My Body

A lot of you reading this follow my Instagram, fit.asamother. First of all, I love you guys and you have been the most supportive group and the reason I always feel encouraged.

I have changed a lot in the past year. When I first started my Instagram, I was timid and concerned with other people’s perception of me. I wanted to get healthy and in shape and posting about it made me feel vulnerable. I was sharing a part of myself that I had never opened up about before. But then I realized something; the more I shared my true journey and my realest feelings, the more I got positive responses and genuinely connected with people. This gave me the courage to continue to grow.

When I first started my Instagram, I told myself that I wouldn’t post booty pics because I didn’t want to be judged as 1). an insecure attention seeking female and 2). be objectified by men. I started working on my booty growth pretty heavily in December. I’ve always wanted a bigger booty, so why not get one? I started waking up earlier, working out longer, and changing my eating habits to see what I could accomplish.

I saw results fast and was so excited about my results, but never felt like I could share them because of how I would be perceived. I’m a wife, a mom, and a Christ follower….so how can I post a picture of my ass on the internet?

One day, I woke up and said “SCREW THIS.” I posted a picture and it felt so good. I’m not ashamed of my body. My body is strong. It has carried me through life and created a human being. TIME TO FREAKING CELEBRATE. I did what I wanted to do. Did I receive backlash? Oh hell yeah.

In the midst of all of the judgement, my sister-in-law had the perfect comment:

At a young age, I adopted the belief that abstinence was the only morally correct approach to relationships. I want to say first that I am not trying to change people’s belief on this, just sharing my own experience. This practice led me to believe that my natural sexual urges were impure even though I never acted on them. I started to feel shame. Lots of it. I lost self value, confidence, and belief in myself.

At this point in my life it is my mission to celebrate what I love about myself and others. I want women, especially moms, to know that you do not have to lose your identity in your children and husband. You are your own being with your own thoughts and emotions that are not dependent on others. You don’t have to feel ashamed of showing off your body because society tells you that you shouldn’t. You are allowed to have a life outside of your family. It doesn’t mean you love them less, it means that you have realized that you are also passionate and find joy in other things. Your family is not your identity, they are just part of your story. You are an individual and that should be celebrated.

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What A Side Plank Can Teach Us About Potential

If you guys have been paying attention, you know that I have been questioning societal expectations for awhile now. There is so much pressure put on us to perform a certain way. I hope that after reading this that you will realize that you have an abundance of untapped potential.

It starts with believing in yourself. Is that too cliche? No. I mean BELIEVING in yourself.

Let’s use fitness as an example. Before I started really dialing into my health, I would have told you that I believed in myself. I was successful at work and I seemingly got everything I wanted because I worked hard for it. HOWEVER, working out? Not for me. I can’t go to the gym, I don’t even know how to use the equipment. I couldn’t hold a side plank. Not even for 10 seconds. When I realized that, instead of feeling defeated, I said “okay. Well I will work on that and I WILL be able to hold a side plank for at least 30 seconds.”

P.s. I held one for a full minute the other day at the end on my workout.

I started to realize the doubt was just the easy way out. It was fear trying to hold me back. If you had told me back then that I would lose 20+ pounds, get NASM certified, and HOLD A FREAKING SIDE PLANK, I wouldn’t have believed you.

Here’s what fitness taught me: straight and simple, discipline. I didn’t always wake up believing in myself. It took me 2 months to see REAL changes and a year to get me where I am. However, I trusted the process and I broke the belief that I couldn’t accomplish anything I wanted to. Action leads to emotion (aka belief in myself).

What I’m getting at is, we have a WORLD of untapped potential. Did you know that most people on average only use 10% of their brain? Why is that? Fear. Fear of becoming great, fear of failure, fear of changing lives of people around you. Fear of changing the societal expectation put on us at a young age.

Most of us long for more. Whether it’s a promotion at work, wanting to make an impact on society, more money, a family. Whatever it is, I think it’s safe to say we all want a life well lived. We start to question what we could do. “What if I wrote a book? What if I started a non profit? What if I ran a marathon? What if….?” Fill in your blank.

That “what if” is your potential calling. How many times have you heard your “what if” and pushed it away because your goal seems unobtainable…or….because you are afraid.

Rachel Hollis says it best when she asks you to challenge yourself every time you see yourself pushing away your “what if” dream and replace the expectation of the people around you with the imagination of who you could be.

Replace the expectation of the people around you with the imagination of who you could be. – Rachel Hollis

If you are not motivated enough by this, then I ask you to question one more thing. If you fully lived out your potential, your dream, who would be affected by it? How could it change your way of living, your families way of living, and the people around you? You have the potential to be a catalyst for change. You are doing the world a disservice by not living up to it.

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How to Overcome the Effects Of An Abusive Relationship

If you’re like me, you have had the tendency to seek out things that are not good for you. Maybe it’s the challenge of it all, maybe there is a slight immaturity to want what you can’t have like a toddler in the candy aisle, or maybe it’s to seek validation from someone who won’t give it.

Either way, here we are. Trying to figure out how to deal with the outcome. First, I think it is important to talk about what you SHOULD look for in relationships, whether platonic or romantic:

1). Respect.

What you want, baby they better have it. Without respect, your relationship will never be what it could. I mean this in all aspects. You should not be around someone who is constantly trying to find your flaws or doesn’t genuinely support your dreams without judgement. These people are toxic.

2). Trust.

You guys, I cannot stress this enough. If you do not trust someone, do not be around them. The amount of mental energy it takes to be around these people is simply not worth it. The never knowing if they mean what they say, the curiosity of how often they talk about you behind your back while saying the opposite to your face….again, toxic. This applies to your romantic relationships as well. If someone is not respecting the fact that you have a s/o and is trying to make sexual advances, they also are not respecting you. Time to say peace out to them whether it’s easy or not.

3). Honesty.

This kind of ties in with trust, but this is important enough to get it’s own section. I don’t know about you, but gone are the days that I am willing to wonder if someone isn’t talking to me anymore because of something I said or did, or if they “were asleep”. That is such a small, seemingly unimportant example, but it starts there and just continues to grow. However, I will put a disclaimer that if you expect honesty, you also have to be 100% honest yourself.

The road to healing:

If you have been in an abusive relationship, you view the world differently. Where previously there was a lot of restriction on personal expression, now there is not. And not only is that okay, but that is wonderful.

At this point you were taught to feel invalid. You were constantly broken down to the point where your self confidence is all but non existent. This creates a chain reaction to other areas of your life where you are afraid to try new things, you develop a belief that you have to keep feelings to yourself, and when it comes down to what you want to do with your life, you’re faced with uncertainty.

Here are my top tips:

1). Find someone you TRUST to talk to about how you’re feeling. In your previous abusive relationship, your emotions were probably often dismissed and you need to get that out.

2). Take care of yourself. You have to respect your mind and body to be able to heal. Drink water, get enough sleep, develop a workout routine. This will create a belief that you do deserve good treatment from yourself and from others.

3). Reflect and forgive. I’m going to be honest with you, I am still working on this. To be able to reflect and examine your past, you almost have to relive it and sometimes that is too much….but this MUST be done to move forward. If it helps, I recommend setting aside a time of day to allow yourself to think. This way it doesn’t become a constant battle throughout the day and you are mentally prepared to do what you have to do.

4). Let yourself feel everything. YOUR EMOTIONS ARE VALID. If you don’t eventually let yourself feel them, you will never let go and you will never grow. Let yourself cry, talk to that person you trust, or write it down. Writing has been my favorite outlet out of all of these.

“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” – Deepak Chopra

Have you been in an emotionally distant/abusive relationship? What helped you?

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The Moments That Define A Woman: A Thank You Letter.

It was every time I was told to change my clothes because I was showing too much skin.

Every time I tattooed something on my body and got disapproving comments.

Every time I got a piercing.

Every time someone made a comment about my shorts being too short.

Every time someone told me my butt was small. Or my breasts.

Being told to wear lipstick at work.

Being told to wear tight clothes to interviews.

The guys that told me they loved me when all they wanted was sex.

Being told how I should handle my pregnancy.

Men touching my bump and asking if I was married.

My friendliness being taken for being flirtatious.

Being blamed for sexual advances.

These moments defined who I was, caused me to not value my self worth. Thank you.

These moments have shown me that our society is broken. Women are expected to be quiet and polite. To cover up and be good wives and mothers. We are taught that we are our roles as a gender, not individuals.

I can not tell you how many times I have been put in uncomfortable situations and conversations and have been afraid to speak up to stop it. Not anymore.

This year, I decided to take back who I am. To be who I am without societal pressures, without other’s opinions.

“Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business” – Rachel Hollis.

I decided to take hold of my happiness.

Before you jump to conclusions, I believe most men are wonderful people. The good men in my life have helped me become stronger, more confident, and resilient.

What I challenge you to consider is this: who would you be if you weren’t under the societal pressure of conforming to what is normal?

When you look in the mirror, do you put makeup on for yourself? Are you wearing those tight jeans for yourself? Did you change out of the low cut top because YOU wanted to or because you weren’t sure how people would react?

My instinct is to question how I’m viewed. I don’t want to put makeup on, but what will my customers think of me? This year, every time that happens, I will fight to do what I WANT. If someone makes me uncomfortable, I will let them know. I deserve this.

I challenge you all to do the same.

#everydaysexism #effyourbeautystandards

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How Anxiety Makes Me Feel Like I Always Have to Be the Best.

I have been in a constant state of self reflection lately. New experiences and new levels of relationships often test you in ways you didn’t realize were necessary. I am writing this in hopes that nobody can relate, but realistically knowing that a lot of you will.

On the outside, I seem like a very put together person. I have a husband/partner of 8 years, a 1yr old daughter, we own our home, and both have good jobs. I always did well in school. I made the Dean’s List in college, I always made A’s in my classes. I have always excelled at any job I wanted to. I’ve been able to do these things because of anxiety.

In my mind, I am incapable of failure. Anything less is simply unacceptable. It’s to the point where I refuse to participate in things that I think I will not be good at. When I see a problem at work, I spend hours playing with all possible solutions and scenarios until I come up with the right one.

Nobody is surprised when I succeed. Actually, I would say that people expect it.

You may ask why I’m implying that anxiety is negative. After all, it drove me to success in all areas of my life.

My mind doesn’t stop. It is exhausting. My husband gave an example a few days ago: “You’re always analyzing. I can touch your hand, and you’re wondering why I did that at that moment.” So accurate.

I have tried to downplay anxiety’s role in my life, but not acknowledging it has actually caused it to grow. I second guess every decision I make. I question my own character. In the name of complete transparency, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve told myself “I hate who you are” in the past few months.

Lately, I have wanted so badly to get out of this mindset. I want to just not care about anything FOR ONCE. I want to not feel an incessant desire to always be perfect. I actually would love to just completely screw up and not care. I want to sleep until noon, I want to not care about my exercise routine, or how I eat. I would love to be late to something and not have my heart racing the whole way there.

What’s more annoying is that I realize it when it’s happening. I can rationalize with myself and tell myself that how I’m feeling is unnecessary, but all it does is cause another mental battle. Problems go unresolved and if I’m not thinking about them, I’m dreaming about them.

I say all of this because I am slowly realizing a few things.

1). I probably need to seek professional help.

2). I need to remind myself more often that it is OKAY to not be everything to everyone.

3). I need to be kinder to myself. We are what our thoughts are and I’m not always good at being positive.

4). I need to rely on the people I trust. I keep so much to myself and it’s unhealthy.

This year I am choosing to grow. I need to stop thinking that I have to be self reliant. I refuse to hold myself back and I insist that I find balance.

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How To Set Goals and Achieve Them: Part II

If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know that 2018 has been about finding the best version of myself. Let me tell you, it has been WORK. Constant doubt, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, wanting to take the easy way out. It isn’t easy. This process has taken me to some of the best books I’ve ever read and listened to some of the best speakers I’ve ever heard. Know what’s interesting? They all say pretty much the same thing. In my How To Set Goals and Achieve Them post, I talked about steps to take to be more successful. In this post, I want to go more into detail about what these steps look like.

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It seems that through all of my studying, there is almost a pattern to success. Of course the details change from person to person, but from everything I’ve read or listened to, they all agree on these 6 things:

  1. Write Down Your Goals. I talked about this in my last post, but it was such a constant theme that I wanted to say it again. Writing down your goals gives you a constant reminder of what you truly want to accomplish. It is so easy to get into the mediocre routine of life and lose focus. Seeing your goals daily will help you by letting you remember what you told yourself you wanted when you felt most motivated for change.
  2. Keep A Journal. Rachel Hollis, Michael Hyatt, John Maxwell, and may others stress the importance of this practice. In your journal, you should be keeping track of a few things: your weekly goals, your daily goals,  5 things you are thankful for each day, and your biggest wins at the end of each week. Sometimes it’s hard to see progress. You keep moving forward and forget how far you have come. Keeping a journal will not only keep you on track, but will motivate you by helping you see progress. My favorite journal is the Full Focus Journal from Michael Hyatt (https://fullfocusjournal.com/  <–buy it here). It breaks down everything for you and keeps your daily journaling simple and organized.
  3. Have A Routine. Like you will see in the Full Focus Journal, there is a morning routine and an evening routine. Your morning routine should be setting your goals for each day, and your evening routine should be a reflection of the day followed up with some kind of winding down. For example, my morning routine is: make coffee, read my Bible for 10mins, decide my big 3 daily goals, and workout.
  4. “Hope is not a strategy”. This quote is serious. I first heard it this morning while listening to Rachel Hollis’ Instagram live video and it inspired me so much that I had to include it here. She ends up saying that she read it in John Maxwell’s book “15 Invaluable Laws of Growth”. Anyway, she goes on to say that you can not hope success into existence. She said that is like saying “oh I hope I get healthier” and then never taking action to get there. You can not hope your way into success. You have to put in the work.
  5. Find your gap. John Maxwell talks about success gaps that keep you from your goals. There are 8, but I will share the 2 that resonate with me most heavily. The Perfection Gap. This one is what holds me back more than anything else. Sometimes I can’t get myself to start anything because before I start, I want everything to be perfect. Maxwell explains that to be able to be perfect, you must first start. Mind blown. The Comparison Gap. This is where you compare yourself to more successful people so often that it breaks you down mentally and keeps you from making progress. The advise is to take a page out of Nike’s book and “Just Do It”. Maxwell says you can only learn if others are ahead of you.
  6. Commit. I will be the first to admit that I am the most impatient person I know. The advice I’ve heard over and over again is that you have to commit to your goals. Success is not born overnight. Walt Disney was fired at age 22 for “not being creative enough”. Oprah was told that she was “unfit for television news”. JK Rowling was fired from her secretary job and lived on welfare. She described it by saying, “I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded and I was a jobless alone parent and as poor as it was possible to be in Britain without being homeless.” Can you imagine if these people were not committed to their goals? The world would be a much different place.

Do you practice any of these steps? How have they helped you accomplish your goals? Let me know in the comments!